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I achieve a lower consciousness.
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Search
PlanetMadDog.com
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| MadDog's
WinAMP |
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Last song played:
Trauma - I'm a Pumpkin Man - SLAY Radio
PLAYLIST |
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This section of the
website has made me totally re-evaluate my life...
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MadDog
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hmmm..
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Hatch
|
Hmmm.. said the Mad Dog who
instantaneously combusted in a small pile of goats hair! |
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MadDog
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what did you have for lunch.... its completely
fucked up your mind, man! Youre just not the same anymore... youve
changed man!!!
Can I have some?
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Hatch
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thats the thing.. I haven't
had lunch yet.. I'm starting to think these stomach juices have
secret powers or something. |
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MadDog
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you should bottle them and sell
them.. you'll make millions an billions... but you'll need a catchy
name to market them under... hmm... what about.. Braden's Juices...
I'm sure that will sell okay.. |
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Hatch
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and my slogan can be something like..
Try new... Braden's freshly squeezed juices.
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MadDog
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They're Juicilicious! Good for
what ails you! |
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Hatch
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Great for stuffy noses! |
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MadDog
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Now available in pump action
squeeze bottle... You'll be pumping away at Braden's Juices in no
time! |
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Hatch
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And also available in a jar
with a handy scoop! They're scoopalishous! |
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MadDog
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as a powder for relieving rashes
and skin irritations. Try new Dehydrated Braden Juices... |
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Hatch
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And new... Braden's Juices in
make up form, coming in lipstick red, mascara grey and bonus lashes
fattner! |
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Hatch
|
Starwars?? Whats this movie..
I've never heard of it.. is it any good?? |
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MadDog
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starwars? is that like the Jetsons? |
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Hatch
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yeah.. I think they use lazthers
or something... Hey. guess what. .I was down in melbourne at this
music shop looking at guitars.. it was just a local music shop and
I ran into someone.. guess who.. |
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MadDog
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who? |
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Hatch
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I'm always meeting neighbours
people.. guess which person! |
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MadDog
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Anne! |
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Hatch
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No... geez.. I'll tell ya.. you'll never get
it otherwise..
Joel!
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MadDog
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did he rock? |
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Hatch
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we'll.. he was kinda leaving
as I entered and I didn't say anything to him.. but kinda just gotta
shock to see joel.. it was weird.. I couldn't think of his real
name either. |
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MadDog
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Daniel McPherson... |
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Hatch
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yeah.. I remember now.. but
I was going to say.. "Hey.. neighbours dude".. ya know.. cause he's
a surfie and all.. but I didn't, I kinda just said that in my head,
but not out loud... cause then he would have heard me and though..
who the hell is this putz! |
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MadDog
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heheh... Yo.. dude... did ya
get to fuck geri? |
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Hatch
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yeah.. that was my next question... oh.. and
" Hey Joel.. did you notice how perky and upright those taught
breasts of geri were?"
But I didn't say it, cause i thought it might
be a bit rude.
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MadDog
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nah... he would have loved that... |
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Hatch
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also.. I was going to say..
can you give me her phone number or address... so I can go round
there and proposition sex with her.. but I don't think he would
have been in to that. Damn |
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MadDog
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maybe if you said "I'd like
to bone her" instead of proposition sex with her... |
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Hatch
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yeah.. it might have been my
wording.. I'll remember it for the next encounter! |
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MadDog
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u here?
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Hatch
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depends if you've got breasts!
Girly ones! |
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MadDog
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sorry.. only man-boobies here,
im afraid... |
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Hatch
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arrrgghhhh.. |
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Hatch
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On this day in 1996, Intel released
the Pentium 200 chip! |
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MadDog
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Thank you Proffessor Flooglebottom |
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Hatch
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No problems student fizzle snort! |
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Hatch
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I worked out why the ET's were
in Star Wars! They were trying to get an extension on ET's phone
card. He only had $3 bucks left on his international universal STD
phone card, and they were appealing to the councillors to give him
some more credit on his card, so he could ring home and give them
the proper address. |
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MadDog
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Can I have some of that weed? |
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Hatch
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N'ah.. its true... I got a phone
call last night when I got home, from one of ET's cousins. His name
was Vinny! |
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MadDog
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Vinny? as in his cousin Vinny,
right? |
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Hatch
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Thats right.. ET's cousin is named Vinny! And
their soon to direct and do a remake of My cousin Vinny, but call
it.... "I'm ET and I have a cousin named Vinny! True Dinks"
Pretty cool huh!
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MadDog
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Thats cool.. Who's directing
it? |
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Hatch
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Kevin Bacon |
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MadDog
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Kev eh? We should write to him
and ask if we can be in the credits... |
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Hatch
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Since he can be linked to every
other actor, people did some investigation and he can also be linked
to ET.. although its been found out that he had some bizarre sexual
get together with him. |
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MadDog
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yeah... I heard about that...
aaahh.. so thats why his finger glows like that.... |
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Hatch
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exactly! |
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MadDog
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Ahhh... hey... did you ever
notice ET doesnt have a penis? |
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Hatch
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yeah.. his glowing finger has
multiple functions! |
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MadDog
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ooh... formidable.... |
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MadDog
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I didnt know that the guy thats writing the new
billing system is billy corgan....
|
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Hatch
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heheh yeah.. he came in here
yesterday, telling me all about his collaboration with Courtney
Love and that celebrity skin song! |
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MadDog
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is that why its billy.mcmedia.com.au? |
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Hatch
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Yup.. and when you exit from
linux it plays a smashing pumpkins song too! |
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MadDog
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his head is mighty shiney... |
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Hatch
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thats his special moves.. he
whips out the grease and shines his head and you get blinded by
the shine! |
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MadDog
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... while singing "Bullet with
butterfly wings" |
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Hatch
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Yup.. thats his encore! |
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Hatch
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Hey.. just like to say that
acupuncture.org.au should be fine and dandy and everyone round the
world should be able to see it. It finally got fixed properly! |
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MadDog
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FUCKIN AY!!!! WHOOO HOOO!!!
*does many a backflip* |
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Hatch
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yeah.. I reckon after all the
trouble I had with it.. people telling me I was wrong when I wasn't!
Geez.. |
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MadDog
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Thanks man.. I appreciate it..
i love you man.. |
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Hatch
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No worries.. man.. all in a days work man.. and
I love you too man!!
*bursts into tears*
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MadDog
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*crys*
I dont deserve you man...
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Hatch
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*sobbing*
Yes you do... and I understand... Its okay!
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MadDog
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You dont understand... nobody understands...
*sob*
Good bye... cruel world....
*proceeds to fill ones nostrils with gravy*
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Hatch
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hehehe.. *proceeds to help to
fill his nostrils with gravy* |
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MadDog
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*glub* hey! This is fun! |
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Hatch
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Yes.. Much fun! |
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MadDog
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Did you notice?
Mayor Quimby... Simpsons...
Chief Quimby... Inspector Gadget...
Whoooo... scary...
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Hatch
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arrgghh.. I didn't notice that...
but they're completely different characters though.
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MadDog
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aaaahh... but theyre both animated... aaaaahh...
dear lord... help us against the quimby invasion....
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Hatch
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Invasion of the Quimby's. Coming
to a theatre near you!!! |
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MadDog
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Frosted Quimby Flakes... Now
with added Quimby's |
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MadDog
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IT'S ALL FUCKED UP DAMMIT!!!
oh no.. sorry... no its not... sorry to alarm
you....
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Hatch
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are ya going to austin powers
tonight? |
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MadDog
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YES!!! COME!!! |
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Hatch
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coolies... I'll be there.
I'll have to buy my ticket too.
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MadDog
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me too!!!.. |
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Hatch
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arrghh... how freaky is that...
we'll be both buying tickets! |
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MadDog
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lets call that scary guy from
Bright Ideas... wooo... |
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Hatch
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or the Extraodinary! |
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MadDog
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the same guy!!! SCARY!! |
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Hatch
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arrghhh.. or that guy that does
voices on car ads... |
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MadDog
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AAAHHH! or the old guy on insurance
ads you see lugging a set of golf clubs into the back of a Commodore... |
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Hatch
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or that chick from that hungry
jacks commercial! |
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MadDog
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or Dawson's Dad... |
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Hatch
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Hey.. did you see that Pacy's
chick was on drugs! |
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MadDog
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yeah... she's a nutball like
her mum! |
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Hatch
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I know.. but I'd still do her! |
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MadDog
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yeah, sex with a fruitloop..
kool... |
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MadDog
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malcolm mcdowell scares the living shit outta
me...
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Hatch
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I think he's computer animated! |
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MadDog
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yeah.. it's like that old guy
from those playstation 2 demos, and final fantasy movies... |
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MadDog
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Stephen King had been on his way to tell the
sherrif about witches holding ceremonies in the woods behind his
house or if the guy had some horrible strain of ebola, his car
accident would be really ironic.
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Hatch
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yeah.. well.. I'm sure he'll
write a book about it.. |
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MadDog
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easy peasy lemon squeezy...
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Hatch
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no worries mr moses..
Nup.. that didn't work.
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MadDog
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nope... better luck next time... |
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Hatch
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thanx. |
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MadDog
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no worries Mr Moses..
...d'oh!
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Hatch
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I just icqed some guy pretending
I was Bret Michaels from Poison. |
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MadDog
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WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME
FROM??? |
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Hatch
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I just had to do it... it was
an impulse moment. |
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MadDog
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hehehe.. that was great...
...
hey WOW!! Brett Michaels from poison just sent
me a www pager message!!!!
|
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Hatch
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Yeah... geez.. you're so lucky..
he is my hero..(on sundays) |
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Hatch
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I just saw dawsons creek...
I can't believe joey and that jack guy got it on... she saw him
nekkid... Nooooooooooooo! |
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MadDog
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so??? she's seen me nekkid too...
and she told me I had a bigger shlong than him... and he had a BONER! |
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Hatch
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What??? No... that can't be...
don't say this to me... all my nightmares coming at once |
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MadDog
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sorry to say that man, but you
know... I told you you should have come in last night... I walked
inside and there was joey, nude on the couch... |
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Hatch
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What??? And you felt the need
to show her your nakedness as well. We'll... that sux big time...
how was I to know that she was there... its just not fair... I always
miss out on the fun times. |
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MadDog
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Well I didnt know either...
I should have been expecting something like this since I cut a copy
of my keys for her... well, yeah.. ofcourse I had to get nekkid
too.. she looked kinda embarrassed, so I put her at ease... in more
ways than one... |
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Hatch
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Yeah... I bet you put her to
ease... but you could have ran out and fetched me before I totally
left... You know how much I'd like to put her to ease to ya know..
in many many more ways than one also! |
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MadDog
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heheh... well lets just say
she's not little joey potter any more.... |
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Hatch
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Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! |
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MadDog
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YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHH
BABY!! |
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Hatch
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My oldman got some speakers..
for nothing from his mate scott.. they're bigger and better ones
than the other ones that we were using.. remember the black ones
we used for the bbq. |
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MadDog
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Do they taste good? |
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Hatch
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HUH! |
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MadDog
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I mean do they taste good....
as in are they tasty? |
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Hatch
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speakers... you don't eat them..
you listen to them. |
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MadDog
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Oh... sorry... I thought you
said 'roast lamb'.... I've got a bit of a cold, so I hear 'speakers'
as 'roast lamb'... |
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Hatch
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oh... sorry old chappy... I
forgot.. those senial years are starting to come on to you a bit..
I understand! |
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MadDog
|
I bet that when the apple landed on Newton's
head, "gravity" wasn't his first guess. First, he probably thought,
"My god! The ancient tribe of crazed apple-throwing Babylonian
chimpanzees has finally caught up with me!" But then after he
looked around and didn't find any simians he thought, "Oh yeah,
gravity."
|
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MadDog
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Hello Mr Columbian...
|
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Hatch
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What are you on about??? |
|
MadDog
|
nothing.. *taps side of ones
nose* |
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MadDog
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How's yer little pyjama's, pyjama boy! Haaa!
|
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Hatch
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Why? Whats wrong with pj's? |
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MadDog
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Ha! PJ's!!! *pointing at Hatch
in his PJ's!* |
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Hatch
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no.. you don't understand..
pj's are good. |
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MadDog
|
How so, professor? |
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Hatch
|
they're part of the whole going
to bed experience... its traditional. |
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MadDog
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you'll need more than that to
move me, m'boyo... |
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Hatch
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n'ah .... I don't understand
why nobody now days doesn't wear them.. I reckon its not normal
for someone not to wear them. |
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MadDog
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what about those full body jobs
that have that little flap over the ass? |
|
Hatch
|
they're american baby pj's...
|
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MadDog
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Theyre Samuel L Jackson Mother
Fucker PJ's... |
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Hatch
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hehehe |
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MadDog
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dont laugh mother fucker or
I'll fuck you up... |
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Hatch
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sorry mother fucker! |
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MadDog
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Youre forgiven mother fucker...
lets go have some motherfucken lemonade... |
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Hatch
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sounds good to-motherfucken-me...Dam
Nigger... I luuuuuvvvv that sweet mother fucken taste of lemonade. |
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MadDog
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Lets go steal that Mr Motherfukin
Wilson's motherfuckin Watermelons... |
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Hatch
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ok.. enough now! :-) |
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MadDog
|
no motherfucken way! .. oh..
okay... |
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MadDog
|
umm.. youve, err.. got a little something on
the side of your mouth there...
|
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Hatch
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um.. what?? No I don't. |
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MadDog
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no... the other side.. |
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Hatch
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oi... bugger ye! |
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MadDog
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Fine... just try to be helpful... |
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Hatch
|
YaYY.. I got awards night invite..
but its on friday the 13th.. not a good omen. |
|
MadDog
|
thats a great Omen.. it means
"Get pissed rotten and scary things will happen!" |
|
Hatch
|
yeah.. thats about right too... |
|
MadDog
|
yeah baby yeah.. much orgies
going on that night, let me tell you.... |
|
Hatch
|
yeah.. orgies.. not involving
me though! |
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MadDog
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oh come on.. youre invited... |
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Hatch
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hmm.. I don't know. |
|
MadDog
|
it will be a night of fun and
liquids for everyone! |
|
Hatch
|
mmm.. liquids... yeah.. but
I haven't got anyone to take.. |
|
MadDog
|
Thats the whole idea man... come one come all
free for all swinging partay man! YEAH BABY!
Strangers in the night.... ... exchanging liquids...
doobie doobie doo...
|
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Hatch
|
Is that the title to your next
song? |
|
MadDog
|
that is the entire song! |
|
Hatch
|
woohoo... woohoo for short songs...
ya gotta gotta luv em! There.. thats my new song too! |
|
MadDog
|
you lunched?
|
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Hatch
|
no.. I haven't lunched yet! |
|
MadDog
|
you planning on lunching? |
|
Hatch
|
yes... whenever I feel like
it actually! |
|
MadDog
|
would you care to partake in
this ceremoneus occasion with my good self? |
|
Hatch
|
and what occasion is that? |
|
MadDog
|
The Occasion of which we have
previously spoken of that is generally occuring throught this time
of the day through this current time zone. The occasion that has
become known as 'lunching'. |
|
Hatch
|
I'm gonna hit you with my bommy
knocker! |
|
MadDog
|
Nooo! put your schlong away! |
|
Hatch
|
d'oh! |
|
Hatch
|
I pulled this big crusty scaby
bit from behind my ear ring this morning... |
|
MadDog
|
cool... did it say anything? |
|
Hatch
|
no... but it was a bit weird
there for a bit, but it feels good now that its all gone now. I
was gonna save it for you.. but thought.. n'ah.. thats not very
appropriate! |
|
MadDog
|
thankyou for your concern. |
|
MadDog
|
the amiga version of last ninja one had a shoddy
game engine, likethe pc version... this is a remix of ln1 with
cool music, better graphics, and a playable engine...
|
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Hatch
|
cool... I'll have to check this
out! |
|
MadDog
|
yeah.. its cool... ln2's a bit
dodgy tho.. i dont think I'll try clocking that one. |
|
Hatch
|
groovy! |
|
MadDog
|
that nes version is crap too! |
|
Hatch
|
yeah...coolies! |
|
MadDog
|
are you even listning to me
or are you just being vague? |
|
Hatch
|
Sure they will... |
|
MadDog
|
Quick man.. last chance to get Billy Corgan to
join Sphagnum....
|
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Hatch
|
I know.. I was going to say
something.. but he's vegetarian.. |
|
MadDog
|
what's that got to do with it? |
|
Hatch
|
well.. ya know.. the hair..
the whole.. don't eat meat thing.. I mean.. thats just shocking..
absolutely a filthy sicko.. thats it.. filthy sicko.. no meat.. |
|
MadDog
|
MEAT! |
|
Hatch
|
arrrrgghhhhhhh....
*attempts to stuff many a chop in ones mouth*
|
|
MadDog
|
*proceeds to do the same...* |
|
Hatch
|
ooooh.. cool. |
|
MadDog
|
*muffles* Can we stop now? |
|
Hatch
|
oh.. sorry.. yes.. of course..
*proceeds to remove many chops from ones oriface
on ones face, namely that being the mouth*
|
|
MadDog
|
*GULP* Ahhh... |
|
MadDog
|
Whats the difference between Michael Jackson
and a Safeway Bag?
|
|
Hatch
|
There's more entertainment value
in a safeway bag? |
|
MadDog
|
One's white, made of plastic, and is dangerous
for children to play with...
... the other is used to carry groceries.
|
|
Hatch
|
hahahaha.... oh.. and that was
my second guess! :-) |
|
MadDog
|
heheh |
|
Hatch
|
I told that joke to this 12 yr old girl on my
icq.. and she replied with..
"Um.. I don't know... they're both gay!"
hahahaa
|
|
Hatch
|
can people please limit their
downloads cause its really slow in here! |
|
MadDog
|
well excuuuuse me.. how rood |
|
Hatch
|
Me... rood... never! Maybe rude..
but not rood! |
|
MadDog
|
nup.. thats definately double
o rood... |
|
Hatch
|
its not double o rood.. its
double o negative! |
|
MadDog
|
no, it's double o seven |
|
Hatch
|
No.. its double o jepardy! |
|
MadDog
|
No, its double o behave.... |
|
Hatch
|
No... its double o nudy bar! |
|
MadDog
|
no, it's double o my god! |
|
Hatch
|
No.. its double O mar Gooding! |
|
MadDog
|
No its Lawrence double o livier...
|
|
Hatch
|
Nooooooo... too much double
o stuff! |
|
MadDog
|
NOOO!!! MORE!!! MUSTT... HAVE...
MORE!!! |
|
Hatch
|
Um... No.. NO DAMMIT!!! NOOOOOOOOO!! |
|
MadDog
|
MENDOOOOZZZAAAAA!!! |
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